Parenting Through the Pain
I love being a husband and a dad, but some days are a struggle. We are not always on the same page, and that can lead to conflicts. Being a family is about compromising and being there for each other.
The biggest problem I have, is trying to move on from my past trauma. I get flashbacks and nightmares that drag me back into my childhood. It’s a place I try to avoid, even though I know I need to accept what happened, I still struggle with the shame of it all.
My mind has a tendancy of transplanting thoughts onto other people and situations. People of authority; especially men.
Sometimes I won’t trust older men, Or I do the polar opposite, and go out of my way to try and impress them. It’s not just men, I tend to do the same thing with new people.
It’s hard to emotionally separate the past from the present. I went through a majority of my abuse before I was a teenager, so a lot of times, I find myself reacting to things like a child. I’ve gotten better at recognizing this behavior, but I still throw the occasional temper tantrum.
The problem is, now that I am a husband and parent, I have to be careful not to transplant my emotions onto my family. They deserve better then that. My daughter is 7, she’s amazing and I love her.
I was sexually abused when I was 7, something that I still struggle with. I worry so much about something similar happening to her, that my wife and I have a hard time leaving her with other people.
It’s getting easier every day, my daughter is almost 8, and my wife and I have had tons of conversations about it.
Parenting has helped me work on a lot of my mental health issues, but the road is a very long one. I will say that parenting is not always easy, but being a good parent means that you push through the pain and do the best you can for your children.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post, I hope this helped someone regardless if there going through similar issues or not.
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Have a great day.