The Ripple Effect of Trauma
Sometimes I obsess over my past trauma, I get triggered and just loose it. This is something I am actively working on, and I have gotten better at handling it. I understand that it wasn’t my fault and I shouldn’t feel ashamed of what happened in my youth.
The one thing I do feel shame about, is all the choices I made after. Yes my childhood caused me to have ptsd which most likely lead to the rest of my mental health issues. The one thing trauma doesn’t do, is take away your free will.
I have pushed a lot of people out of my life, and hurt some people that mean the world to me, simply because I was scared to get hurt. So I hurt or pushed them away before they could hurt me. I feel terrible about the way I handled things in the past.
I have cleaned up and been handling situations in life much better, but I still feel ashamed.
I am hoping with time and therapy, I can move on and accept my mistakes, but for now I feel haunted by the past.
Thanks for all the support. It really does help me feel like I am finally part of a group.
I appreciate comments, I am always down for advice.
Have a great day.