Ghosts of the Past

I have had nightmares for the past 20+ years. I had a few years where I stopped having nightmares, but that was only because I worked overnights and developed insomnia. Only sleeping for 3 to 4 hrs. everyday.

I didn’t realize at the time how years of sleep deprivation were affecting my body. I was living in a fog and halucinating.

The voices in my head were always barking their madness in my ears. I just couldn’t get away from it. I had quite a few mental breakdowns. Running myself into the ground at work, trying to escape them.

I was working a very physical job, doing twice the amount of work that was expected of me. I was in charge, killing myself mostly just to keep sane.

It wasnt worth it, but I couldn’t see that at the time.

Now that I am staying at home, and sleeping 6 to 8 hrs. a night, the nightmares have come back in full force. While I am not a fan of waking up in fear in the middle of the night and drifting in and out sleep after that. I know that I’d rather have nightmares, then the inability to function and think clearly during the day.

I was running all day and might from my ghosts. Completly controled by the past, unable to move foward.

I am working on accepting my past and moving past the shame Ive been holding onto. It’s been a struggle, especially latley.

That being said I am moving foward and I am trying to be more positive about life.

I have made a decision. I choose to be happy.

I am working on loveing myself.

Each day is a struggle, but I learn a little more about myself everyday. I am just going to take it one day at a time, and stop trying to outrun the ghosts of my past.

Feel free to comment if you have any advice or anything else to say.

As always, have a great day everyone.


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