I have had nightmares for the past 20+ years. I had a few years where I stopped having nightmares, but that was only because I worked overnights and developed insomnia. Only sleeping for 3 to 4 hrs. everyday.
I didn’t realize at the time how years of sleep deprivation were affecting my body. I was living in a fog and halucinating.
The voices in my head were always barking their madness in my ears. I just couldn’t get away from it. I had quite a few mental breakdowns. Running myself into the ground at work, trying to escape them.
I was working a very physical job, doing twice the amount of work that was expected of me. I was in charge, killing myself mostly just to keep sane.
It wasnt worth it, but I couldn’t see that at the time.
Now that I am staying at home, and sleeping 6 to 8 hrs. a night, the nightmares have come back in full force. While I am not a fan of waking up in fear in the middle of the night and drifting in and out sleep after that. I know that I’d rather have nightmares, then the inability to function and think clearly during the day.
I was running all day and might from my ghosts. Completly controled by the past, unable to move foward.
I am working on accepting my past and moving past the shame Ive been holding onto. It’s been a struggle, especially latley.
That being said I am moving foward and I am trying to be more positive about life.
I have made a decision. I choose to be happy.
I am working on loveing myself.
Each day is a struggle, but I learn a little more about myself everyday. I am just going to take it one day at a time, and stop trying to outrun the ghosts of my past.
Feel free to comment if you have any advice or anything else to say.
As always, have a great day everyone.