Not Your Choice, Not Your Fault
There are a lot of things in the world we cannot control. The seasons, the weather, the weekend (I am sure we wish we could). These things and many more can have some effect on our daily lives, if we allow them too.
Then there are other things in our lives, that other people have control over. These are things, we have absolutely no control over.
If you have ever been through abuse of any kind, this was a situation that was not your fault.
It’s hard for some people to understand, why we don’t stand up for ourselves. Why we don’t fight back or get help. Why we don’t just simply leave the situation or person behind and move on with our lives.
I wish it worked that way.
Some people have the courage in the moment to do that, some people have the option to get out of the situation with some help or the right motivation.
But not everyone does.
I am proud of anyone that was able to survive during and after these situations. It’s not an easy path either way, and sometimes we are harder on ourselves then anyone else is.
I for one, thought I was to blame for my abuse. I couldn’t understand what I had did wrong.
I thought I was a bad kid that deserved the abuse. Other kids could tell I felt different, and they joined in on the abuse. I was physically, mentaly, verbally and sexually abused.
I felt dirty and shameful about acts that I had been convinced were normal. I had chances to tell others, but I genuinely thought I would get in trouble.
It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I really realized how bad my childhood was.
At that point I felt even more shame, so instead of getting help, I started drinking and doing drugs.
I didn’t have a choice about what happened to me in the past, but I had a choice on how I handled myself later on.
I don’t blame my teenage self for trying to fill the void in his heart. I didn’t know how to handle all of that pain.
The choices I did have were how I dealt with others. I had no right to push the people who were trying to help me away, and verbally abuse them. To try and hurt them before I could be hurt.
I understand why I made these decisions, they just weren’t the right ones to make. I have learned from these situations and I don’t dwell on the past, but it’s my hope that I can inspire people who are on the same path I am.
Learn from my mistakes, don’t pass on abuse.
It’s Not Your Fault
This is my message to anyone who has been abused or been through a traumatic experience.
First off it wasn’t your fault.
No matter what was told to you, no one deserves to be abused. It doesn’t matter if you made decisions that brought into the arms of an abuser, it was their choice not yours.
It dosen’t matter if it was your parent, spouse, sibling, cousin, teacher, friend or a stranger.
No one has the right to spread their pain and sorrow on to others.
You are special, unique and one of a kind, but you are not alone. Sadly there are millions of us who have gone through similar situations.
That being said, united we can remind everyone that they have a voice.
You don’t have to be mute. It’s a scary thing to speak up, but it’s the right thing to do. I am not saying if you don’t speak up your wrong. Like I said before all of these situations are different, but if you can try and find someone to talk to.
Now for the people that are too young to understand these words, or are in a situation they can’t escape. The rest of us have to be there voice.
‘If you see someone being abused, don’t think you shouldn’t get involved.
I know I’ve seen somethings I turned a blind eye to, because I was terrified to get involved. I regressed to that scared child, and froze. These are things I will regret the rest of my life, but I use them to fuel my resolve.
It’s hard to speak up for others, especially when you feel like you might be judged or looked down on for your decisions.
The truth is, none of that matters.
If you turn a blind eye, that is your choice. It’s your freedom to make that choice. I will never do it again.
I won’t be part of the problem. I am striving to be a voice for those who can’t speak up.
I have much more to say on this topic, but honestly I am just emotionally wiped from writing this.
Thanks to everyone whos reading this, and if you know someone who’s being abused, be their voice, do what you think is right for them.
For anyone that has been abused, feel free to reach out to me if you need any emotional support. I have been there and in some ways I am still there. I offer a judgment free ear for you to bend.
Have a great day and remember abuse is never a choice that should be made.