Thanksgiving Thoughts

SO usually I am pretty stressed on Thanksgiving. Between traveling and dealing with groups of people, it’s just not my thing. The whole holiday season can be vey overwhelming for me in general.

This year I am focusing on the positive instead of the negative. I am not freaking out and worrying about things outside of my control, I focus on my family. Because honestly that’s the most important thing to me right now.

My wife and my daughter are the foundation on which my sanity stands.

Yes I have to choose to be productive and continue to better myself, to be honest with my counselor and my wife.

I just have to keep myself going in the direction I am.

Anyway back to thanksgiving, the main reason this was such an easy year is that we stayed home. The three of us celebrated alone for the first time ever and honestly it rocked.

I still cooked a ridiculous amount of food, including cranberry sauce from dried cranberries (not to be fancy, because I forgot the canned stuff and I macgyvered my way through it).

It was the perfect thanksgiving, we just sat around, ate and shared what we’re thankful for. My daughter is thankful that Peppermint is going to meet Peanut (her old and new elves on the shelves).

She’s 8 and is still enthralled by the magic of Christmas. She loves finding the elves in all sorts of mischievous places.

It’s awesome, I don’t want the magic to ever leave her life. Imagination is so important, and a lot of us adults lose it.

Watching her run around, laughing and playing, is my favorite part of every day.

Yet sometimes it makes me sad. It brings up the inadequacy of my youth.

I get stuck in the past somedays, haunted by the ghosts of my childhood. I feel like a kid again and I just want to hide. Most of my nightmares center around childhood.

If you haven’t read my earlier blog posts; I was physically and sexually assaulted when I was a young child. It’s something I spent a long time hiding from. I was ashamed of it. I felt dirty, and I didn’t want anyone to think less of me.

The reason I bring this up, is because where this used to hinder me, I am now using it to ground me and keep me focused. I still hurt, but I have the chance to make sure my daughter grows up and doesn’t hate her childhood.

My wife and I both do everything we can to give her the best childhood we can.

I think that’s the important part to take away from this. While terrible things can happen to you and the people around you, we have the chance to break the pattern.

We can stop the cycle of abuse and make a change. We can’t change the past, but we can preserve the future.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you all had a great day.


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