I’ve been having a hard time writing lately, I just feel like I am in survival mode. I know that my PTSD keeps me in fight or flight some days, well most days. Hyper vigilance is amazing when things go sideways, because my body and mind are both just waiting for conflict. The bad part … Continue reading Hyper Vigilante
Emotionally arrogant, All fucks are spent, Though there was none to be given. Life’s for the living, But I feel zombified. On the inside. Out here I have a wide stride. I paint my life as a collage, Snippets of self sabotage. No mistakes are made in vain, Failures just the downward train. But my … Continue reading Free Form
So I’ve been having some really in-depth and intense conversations about emotions lately. I know a lot of the poetry I write is chock filled with what I call “emotional vomit”. I just have these emotions and instead of letting them pass I like to let them inspire me. Their not always positive emotions, some … Continue reading Emotions
Trapped... Light hits the dark. Shadows spark. Substantially vague, Memories plague, My fractured mind. Gray in design, A blurred line. Pain without measure, But equally pleasure. Sight unseen, The In-Between.
Lately I feel like I am not living life. It’s like I am stuck in a film, and I am watching this version of myself on a loop. It’s beyond predictable and redundant, it’s disheartening. I know that I need structure, but I feel like the borg someday; fully assimilated (This is a super nerdy … Continue reading Trapped
The Resolution So it’s been almost a month since I posted. It sucks how a couple days of not writing can turn into a week, a month and so forth. I didn’t want to let that happen, and this blog means too much to me to allow myself to give up on it. The funny … Continue reading Down but Never Out
One step forward, Falling back, Broken ankles, Legs go slack. Molasses footing, On sinking land. Failing forward into quicksand. Life feels bleak, But I remember, The truth I seek. No matter how much you fail, You always must try... To prevail.
Structure unheard of. Unsubstantial in stance. Flagrantly fluid, Brings on a trance. A trifle misleading, Appearance is meek. The illusion subsiding, No longer weak. The stench of a demon, Brimstone and fear, Sulfur and suffering, Brings on a tear. Do not mistake, Beauty for love. A changeling can wait, Below or above.
So, I haven’t been posting as much as I would like too, but that’s how the holidays go. It’s been chaotic here, but in a good way. Just scrambling around trying to get everything ready for Christmas. This is the first time in years that I am not working Christmas night, so I am pretty … Continue reading Christmas Chaos
SO usually I am pretty stressed on Thanksgiving. Between traveling and dealing with groups of people, it's just not my thing. The whole holiday season can be vey overwhelming for me in general. This year I am focusing on the positive instead of the negative. I am not freaking out and worrying about things outside … Continue reading Thanksgiving Thoughts