Ups and Downs

I haven’t really had the time to write anything recently (besides some poetry here and there).

Even as I write that, I acknowledge that this is only a half-truth.

Yes, I have been super busy lately, and I’ve been finding it harder and harder to get out of bed. It seems like a combination of body fatigue mixed with depression.

This time of year, as wonderful as it is, always brings out my depression. I love spending time with family and celebrating life, but I have so much social anxiety that I tend to avoid contact while still trying to be part of the celebrations.

It’s confusing to try and avoid people while letting them in, but I am getting better at enjoying life instead of being afraid of it. That being said, I still seem to get drained of energy this time of year.

The other problem I am facing, is just a ton of appointments.

Between Dr.s appointments (my wife’s + mine = a shitload), and homeschooling my daughter, we’ve been overloaded.

My wife’s having surgery, and it’s a three hour drive into Boston (plus city traffic). We’ve had to make a bunch of trips down there and my wife doesn’t drive. So tons of driving for me.

Plus having social anxiety and being in a city like Boston can be taxing. My daughter of course doesn’t want to sit in the waiting room, so we take the opportunity to explore the city.

It’s good that we can go to the aquarium. museums and the freedom trail. That’s the benefit of homeschooling. It’s good for my daughter and me.

Honesty though, like I said earlier, these are excuses.

The truth is I haven’t wanted to write. I have the content inside me, but I just started to fall apart.

This is going to sound stupid, but I was on a 70 day streak and I accidentally scheduled my post to come out the next day.

So the next thing I know my streak is busted. Knowing that I had to post to keep my streak going pushed me to write every day. It kept me motivated.

I know that this is just a number and that none of that matters. I didn’t start this blog to keep a streak going, I wrote this blog to express myself. To share my life and my writing with this great community. I fell in love with blogging and I still love to post. I just had to remind myself of that.

I have now rededicated myself to posting everyday. Poetry, prose, haiku’s and fiction.

I just had to remember that no matter the “ups” or “downs” we face, we still have a choice to make. Do we let life control what we do, or do we jump into the drivers seat and control our own destiny.

Thank you to everyone for all of the support and I am going to keep writing on a regular basis again. As always have a great day.

5 thoughts on “Ups and Downs

  1. Jean says:

    OMG! Sounds more like reasons than excuses to me. Surgery for somebody you love deeply is a major, major stressor. And 3-hour drives with a bored kid to get to the doctor or hospital are not my idea of fun. Plus that is six hours when you can’t write.

    I hope the surgery is elective and that it goes smoothly and that your wife heals quickly.

    Liked by 2 people

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