One of the things I have the most trouble with is socializing. I have a hard time with family events, and sometimes I can’t even hang out with my extended family. When it’s an event where I don’t know anyone, I just can’t handle it.
Now if any of my old friends or family read this, they would laugh and disagree. They would tell you I was the life of a party and in the past I was very social. This is true, even with the anxiety and depression I was a very sociable guy.
The reason for that, was I was always hammered or high back then. I couldn’t go to a function without getting messed up. I would get drunk at parties and act like a fool, to the amusement of others. I would have to get high just to see my parents. I wasn’t socializing, I was giving myself what I considered a “valid” reason to get fucked up.
Now that I am sober, I struggle. I can go out to places with big crowds, I get a lot of anxiety, but I have medication for that, so it’s manageable. As long as I don’t have to talk to anyone new, not a fan of new people.
Most family gatherings I go to I try and find one person I know. I zone in on them or I hide behind my wife until we leave. I haven’t gone to a big social event in awhile, and so have one today.
It’s a wedding, one of my wife’s friends. She’s excited to go (We haven’t had a day out as a couple in awhile), So I am too. The only problem is I am a scared also. I don’t know anyone at this wedding, so I want my wife to be able to socialize without me cowering in a corner.
I am going to try and just focus on the fact that this isn’t about me it’s about two people who have found love. This is a celebration of that, and I will do my best to be a good guest, and just be myself.
Thank you for reading this post.
If you have any suggestions or methods for dealing with social anxiety, feel free to comment below.