Two Steps Forward, One Step Back.
I went to a wedding last night. I had some reservations about going, and those are written here:
The wedding ceremony was beautiful and it was nice to watch two people who clearly loved each other embark on the path of life together.
Then the reception started and I couldn’t handle the thought of sitting at a table comprised of my wife’s coworkers. I just don’t do well with people who all know each other, and I feel like an outsider.
I forgot my anxiety medications, and I wouldn’t have stayed, but I wasn’t about to leave my wife there.
So, I did what I didn’t want to do, and got myself a drink. I don’t know if it was the best decision, but I couldn’t handle it. I was able to get through the reception just find, but I am not proud that I slipped off the wagon.
I am trying to look at the positives, and not beat myself up about it. I know that in the past when I have made slip ups getting too upset just worsened the situation, creating more opportunities to mess up.
One of the things I am proud of is that I only had two drinks and a little champagne, but I stopped after that. In the past I wouldn’t have stopped, I would have drunk myself stupid.
Also I didn’t push my wife away or act like an idiot. She told me she was proud of me and while she knows I am fighting addiction, I am makeing big strides forward.
I don’t want a drink, so that’s good.
I almost didn’t post about this. I was embarrassed, I did t want to look like a failure, but I think it’s important that I am honest on this blog, as it’s part of my therapy.
I have counseling tomorrow, so I’ll be honest with my counselor, and not dwell on my mistake.
I am not happy that I took a step back, but I have to look at this as an important lesson and take two steps forward.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, it really means a lot to me.